Kuyt’s Turkish Gamble Paying Off

Dirk Kuyt is flying high in Turkish football

The Anfield Wrap writer Steve Graves makes his debut for The False Nine, looking at Dirk Kuyt’s transition from a squad player to a key cog in Fenerbache’s assault on the Turkish league title…
“Are we going to win the cup, Dirk?”

“We have to.”

It wasn’t the most forensic of questions, but the response was emphatic. Continue reading

Yossi Benayoun – The Diamond from Dimona

Yossi Benayoun has enjoyed an illustrious international career, spanning 90 caps and 24 goals.

False Nine editors James Dutton and Hugo Greenhalgh look back at the career of Israeli legend, Yossi Benayoun – a talent often underestimated, with a backstory often overlooked…

Yossi Benayoun, ‘the Diamond from Dimona’ as he is affectionately known as in his native Israel, or ‘Yossi Benyanoon’ to David Pleat, has been plying his trade in English football for the past seven and a half years. He can be easily discarded as a nomadic football journeyman, but that would not do justice to a backstory often overlooked, a talent often underestimated and under-appreciated. Continue reading

Obscure Footballer of the Week #1: Lloyd Doyley

As our first Obscure Footballer of the Week, Joe Bookbinder gives a moment’s recognition to Watford defender Lloyd Doyley…

For those who don’t support Watford the legend and cult following that surrounds Lloyd Doyley may be hard to understand. A product of Watford’s under-appreciated academy which has produced the likes of Ashley Young, Luther Blissett and John Barnes, through thick and mainly thin as a Watford player Doyley has now been a first team regular for over a decade. He is one of only a number of players in the modern era of football to be able to boast the title of ‘a one club man’. Continue reading

“Is it possible that Roman Abramovich hates us?”

False Nine debutant and Chelsea fan Lori Zakariyya King gives an emotional response to the sacking of Roberto Di Matteo and the questionable behaviour of Roman Abramovich…

I feel like a mobster’s wife, or daughter. Carmela Soprano’s near relative Christopher was smothered to death by her husband Tony for ‘disrespect’ and she should have reacted. Her fondness of the things that her marriage to the mafia boss brought her overpowered her concern at the means by which they were obtained. Disassociating Meadow hid her own shame in a law degree. Continue reading

Di Matteo the Victim of His Own Success

Roberto Di Matteo cuts an isolated figure after the 3-0 defeat in Turin

Following another shift in managerial direction at Chelsea, False Nine editor James Dutton sifts through the one remaining constant throughout…

Perpetual disarray and disorder is the order of the day once again in SW6. Rafael Benitez enters the fray as the latest victim of a Russian oligarch’s obsession with perfection, the ninth entrant to the melting pot of managerial casualties that has perpetuated the nine years of the Abramovich era in West London. Continue reading

The Strange Case of Mathieu Flamini

False Nine editor Hugo Greenhalgh considers the career of one of his favourite players, Mathieu Flamini, and what the long-term implications of his departure meant for Arsenal…

How does one measure such an abject fall from grace?

In 2008, Mathieu Flamini was arguably one of the best central midfielders in the Premiership and a key member of an Arsenal side that should have won the title that season. Two years previously, he had demonstrated his versatility by filling in at left-back in a Champions League campaign that took Arsenal to the final. Yet just this summer, Flamini became a free agent and was forced to take a significant wage cut to re-join AC Milan. His is a cautionary tale that the grass isn’t always greener. Continue reading

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Belatedly Converts the English Press

False Nine editors James Dutton and Hugo Greenhalgh ponder why it took so long for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to get the praise he deserves…

The English population awoke on Thursday morning to find the back-pages of their daily newspapers adorned with glowing praise for the architect of their national team’s defeat the previous evening. It says all you need to know about some sections of the English media that it took four goals in a friendly against a decidedly average England side for them to be convinced of the worth of Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Continue reading