Andy van der Meyde: Zlatan’s partner in crime

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TFN regular Elko Born remembers the infamous Andy van der Meyde…

Most of the boys in the Ajax academy are from Amsterdam or the area surrounding the Dutch capital. Boys from other parts of the country usually get picked up by other clubs. PSV Eindhoven, for example, rules the South of the country. Clubs like Heerenveen and FC Groningen rule the North.

Andy van der Meyde was born and bred in Arnhem, a medium sized town in the centre of the Netherlands. Yet it wasn’t Vitesse, his home town side, or any of the other clubs in the Arnhem area who spotted his talent when he was a boy. By some twist of faith, it was an Ajax scout.  Continue reading

The 23 Transfer Target Strikers to watch this Summer: from Lewandowski to Andy Carroll

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With a host of top clubs on high alert for a new frontman to lead the line, David Dodds looks at the 23 strikers making up the most sought-after shopping list in world football this summer…

This summer is going to be fun. After the failure of last year’s transfer window to deliver the gross manifestations of über-affluence we’ve now come to expect, plenty of clubs will be looking to splash out this summer. One thing this window looks likely to be defined by is the lucrative movement of blockbuster strikers to the titans of contemporary football. And, as always, cash-strapped teams will also be on the prowl for a new man up top.

So here’s a look at some of the men whose painfully-protracted transfer sagas are likely to dominate media narratives this summer: players whose exorbitant transfer fees we’ll either be laughing about or lauding this time next year; cheaper options whose progress is worth keeping an eye on; a crop of youngsters so good they’ll leave you questioning how the striker could have ever been declared dead; and just a jolly good chance to acknowledge the entertainment value of speculation. Whether such media pressure lifts them to the status of icons or causes their careers to crash and burn is another story all together. Continue reading

Zlatan Doesn’t Exist

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Elko Born takes a second look at the literature written on Zlatan Ibrahimović and ponders whether the Paris Saint-Germain striker is all but a pony-tailed mirage…

While reading the news section of a serious newspaper, you probably take the factivity of their articles at face value. We assume that’s what serious newspapers are there for: reporting factual happenings that have taken place in the real world.

By utilizing the journalistic reputation of a respected publication, texts presenting themselves as news articles lay claim to the truth. In comparison, it’s unlikely that you’d ever read a novel – let’s say 1984 by George Orwell – and say to yourself: ‘Back in 1984 Britain was ruled by a dictator? Blimey, I never knew that. Luckily we have elections nowadays.’?

We recognize that novels are different from those aforementioned news articles. You recognize a novel as fiction: you know that the events described in novels are to some extent untrue, made up or elaborated upon; fantasies produced by an author’s creative imagination. Without that artistic license and embellishment, it wouldn’t be a novel at all, but rather a news article, report or maybe some other type of text sprung from the world of journalism.

Enter I Am Zlatan. First published in 2011, it is a book that tells the life story of Swedish super-striker Zlatan Ibrahimović. And I mean the whole story: from its downtrodden bike stealing lows to ecstatic, Champions League goalscoring highs, it’s all in there, recounted in superb fashion. Continue reading

Hypothetical XI #3 – The Viking XI

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Josh Millar and Freddie Harding from Midfield Generals put forward their ‘Viking XI’ of Scandinavian players…

It’s a known fact that the scariest thing in the world is a big bastard with a beard running towards you before attempting to maim you with an axe. So why not put a team of them together and make them play football? Granted a lot of these players aren’t actually that nasty. But we think that there’s enough talent in this side to give some teams a spanking. Continue reading

Time for Balotelli to Reclaim the Spotlight

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Ahead of tomorrow’s Manchester derby, False Nine editor, Andrew Belt, calls for one of the current Premier League champions’ stars to emerge from the shadows and take centre stage again…

Admit it.

You thought Mario Balotelli was the best striker at Euro 2012.

One Fernando was being touted for great things but Llorente was consigned to a watching brief as Spain slay all before them playing the much-lauded ‘false 9’ formation, in which the other Fernando, Torres, managed to bag three goals and restore some much-needed confidence. Continue reading

Zlatan Ibrahimovic Belatedly Converts the English Press

False Nine editors James Dutton and Hugo Greenhalgh ponder why it took so long for Zlatan Ibrahimovic to get the praise he deserves…

The English population awoke on Thursday morning to find the back-pages of their daily newspapers adorned with glowing praise for the architect of their national team’s defeat the previous evening. It says all you need to know about some sections of the English media that it took four goals in a friendly against a decidedly average England side for them to be convinced of the worth of Zlatan Ibrahimovic. Continue reading

‘The False Nine’ – A Critical Assessment

The False Nine‘s Michael David looks at a formation that is as beguiling as it is controversial and pays homage to it for our appropriately-named website…

One day, approximately four years ago, this writer popped into a WH Smiths before a long train journey, to pick up the customary form of entertainment for such an occasion; ‘FourFourTwo’ magazine. Continue reading