The Premier League’s Superliga Signings – Something rotten in the state of Denmark?

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Josh Dishman returns to The False Nine with some thoughts on the Premier League’s Danish arrivals and departures…

The beginning of this Premier League season held great hope for followers of the Danish Superliga. The summer transfer window saw three of its standout players make their first strides into the ‘Best League in the World’, and I was interested to see how Andreas Cornelius, Nicklas Helenius and Jores Okore could adapt to the more demanding rigours of the Premier League. The fact that all three players possess the requisite physicality gave me every confidence that they would represent Denmark proudly after the shambles that was Christian Poulsen in Hodge-era Liverpool. Yet things have not gone according to plan.

On the face of it, it’s fair enough to assume that none of the signings have paid off. Record signing Cornelius returned to FC Copenhagen with his sole contribution being as collateral in the sackings of manager Malky Mackay and Head of Recruitment Iain Moody. Despite being bought for comparatively meagre sums of money, Aston Villa’s Danish signings have had a nightmare start to English football. Helenius’ only telling contribution thus far has been as a viral hit after his shorts fell down whilst shooting against Tottenham, and his team mate Okore, who had made a promising start to his Aston Villa career, has been sidelined since suffering a season-ending knee injury back in September. Continue reading

Nicklas Bendtner: the Danish party boy who refused to grow up

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As the Danish striker’s time at Arsenal comes to a close, Hugo Greenhalgh wonders where it all went wrong for Nicklas Bendtner…

In the same way that a stereotype can often contain a heavy dose of truth, a brief, personal anecdote epitomised all the expectations of a certain footballer. On a recent flight back from Copenhagen I was convinced I had seen Nicklas Bendtner boarding the same plane. But what was a Premier League footballer doing flying EasyJet? Arriving at London Gatwick I called, ‘Nick’. He turned around to reveal a puffy-eyed and scruffy visage, topped off with a backwards baseball cap. ‘Where have you been?’, I asked.

‘Vegas.’ Continue reading

Hypothetical XI #3 – The Viking XI

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Josh Millar and Freddie Harding from Midfield Generals put forward their ‘Viking XI’ of Scandinavian players…

It’s a known fact that the scariest thing in the world is a big bastard with a beard running towards you before attempting to maim you with an axe. So why not put a team of them together and make them play football? Granted a lot of these players aren’t actually that nasty. But we think that there’s enough talent in this side to give some teams a spanking. Continue reading

The Mystery of Andrei Arshavin

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False Nine editor Hugo Greenhalgh reflects on the Russian star’s troubled career at Arsenal… 

An interesting bit of trivia emerged just before Arsenal’s Capital One Cup Quarter Final away at Bradford. If a certain player had travelled to Yorkshire that night, he would be returning to the site of his professional debut. Continue reading