Premier League Gameweek 22: 5 things that (may or may not have) happened


Joe Devine returns to look at 5 things that may or may not have happened over the recent Premier League game week…

1. Liverpool Regain Identity

In the midsts of the celebrations after Liverpool’s jubilant 0-2 win over Aston Villa on Saturday, Brendan Rogers revealed that the club have finally “regained” their identity”. Liverpool fans will be pleased to hear that control of the club has returned to the right hands, though some might be confused as to why they knew nothing of the fraud in the first place. Few details have been revealed as to who may have stolen the Merseyside club’s identity, though early reports are suggesting that North Korea might be involved. Life-long Steven Gerrard fan Kim Jong-Un was rumoured to have offered the Liverpool captain a lucrative offer to coach Pyongyang F.C. The offer was declined and some tabloid journalists have speculated that the recent identity theft might be an act of furious revenge. The broadsheets pooh-pooh this theory, however, and according to The Guardian “£117m worth of average players collected over the summer clearly suggests that this identity theft might well have been going on for longer than most initially imagined”.

2. Wenger Disgusted With Lack of Possession

Despite leaving the Etihad on Sunday with 3 points after their 0-2 victory over Champions Manchester City, Arsenal boss Arsene Wenger privately bemoaned his players’ lack of possession and attacking flair. In a dressing room speech in which the Frenchman told his players he’d rather “be a dead donkey than kick a dead donkey”, Arsene Wenger allegedly beat Santi Carzorla furiously around the back of the head before storming out chanting Kant’s Principles of Aesthetic ExcellenceThe False Nine newsroom is reliably informed that “heads will roll” should Arsenal defy their aesthetic responsibilities in the name of winning ever again. Continue reading

Football on TV: How will you be following your club on the box this season?


Following the launch of BT Sport, this season supporters have more choice than ever before when it comes to watching football on TV. Kelvin Goodson of broadband comparison website looks at the options available.

Unless you’ve been in a self-induced coma since May so the close season would pass more quickly, the chances are you’ve heard of BT Sport. The launch of this new group of sports channels means there is now more choice when it comes to watching football on TV in the UK than ever before.

However, with great choice comes great complexity – some of the options now are available about as straightforward as a Garth Crook monologue, so read on to get the skinny on all the different ways you can watch football on TV this season… Continue reading

Murdoch’s Sky Dream League Ushers in the Age of the Super Club


With the news that Rupert Murdoch wants to create a super league of 16 elite teams, Greg Johnson looks at what the establishment of a new top-tier could mean for football’s long-term health…

The age of the super-club is upon us. Across Europe, a cabal of elite teams have risen to dominate their respective leagues. Most of the major top divisions already reduced to year-on-year duopolies ruled by a select clique of clubs – a plutocracy that stretches from Manchester to Munich. Beyond their mega rich pretenders, racing to outrun and out-spend the retracting ladder of Financial Fair Play regulations, there is little challenge to their competitive stranglehold.

Although the Qatar Dream Football League proposal proved to be a hoax, arch-opportunist Rupert Murdoch is reportedly “exploring” the very real prospect of establishing an exclusive 16 club super league to take place during the post-season summers of the future. Though initially touted as an after-thought exhibition tournament, the quality of opposition and opportunity for exposure would eventually come to threaten the standing of the regular championship run-ins and cup finals.

Described as the “Formula One-isation of football”, matches would be staged across the world in the stadiums of the highest bidders. With such an opportunity to service the enormous, flourishing markets of East Asia and the USA with competitive, high-glamour fixtures, the likes of Manchester United and Barcelona may find that continuing to persist with traditional domestic leagues would no longer make business sense. It’s unlikely even the riches of the Premier League or La Liga would be able to match the benefits and opportunities afforded by a global division of super clubs. Continue reading