The Vagaries of Managerial Fashion

Alastair Naysmith assesses the virtues of managerial attire…

Sat behind the dug out at Deep Dale recently my eye was constantly drawn, despite the entertaining football, to the sight of Paul Cook the Chesterfield Manager prowling the touchline. He was as animated and vocal as you’d expect from a former player-turned-manager, but what stood out most of all was his attire. Here was a 47-year old man whose job it is to inspire and direct his players, dressed in the kind of ridiculously baggy shorts more commonly seen on boxers, basketball players and hanging up on Nora Batty’s washing line.

As the teams went in at half time I wondered what kind of team talk he’d have to come up with not only to inspire his team to turn around the 3-1 scoreline but also to distract them from the fact that he looked like an over-competitive Dad on Sports Day. This is the bit where I eat my words; Chesterfield came out after half time and got a commendable 3-3 draw. While it is conceivable that the comeback had as much to do with Preston’s defence showing all the resistance of a FIFA delegate being offered a bribe, as it did with their inspirational management/fashion guru, their form this season does suggests that Cook is having a good effect on his team. Continue reading

Lewandowski to Bayern, United and 8 other examples of clubs buying teams not players

Robert Lewandowski of Borussia Dortmund

With the world’s richest teams looking to buy-in whole chunks of Borussia Dortmund rather than their individual stars, Greg Johnson looks at 10 examples of clubs who purchased more than just the opposition’s players…

Having put four goals past Real Madrid in the first leg of Borussia Dortmund’s Champions League tie last week, Robert Lewandowski will step out onto the grass of the Bernabeu tonight as the game’s most talked about danger man. Over the past seven days the Pole has filled the column inches of the football press like expanding sealant foam, even eclipsing the box office media clout of Cristiano Ronaldo thanks to his impact last Wednesday.

Now perhaps the most fashionable striker in Europe, Lewandowski has made it known that he wishes to leave Dortmund at the end of this season, setting the continent’s most monied clubs on high alert to capture his signature. Continue reading

Champions League Semi Finals: Grand Slam Final Four

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As the Champions League returns, James Dutton draws parallels between the semi finalists, and the big four in tennis…

It’s the Champions League semi final draw that UEFA wanted. It’s the Champions League semi final draw that every neutral wanted.

Put aside your skepticism towards a draw that has, for the second season running, facilitated the potential for an El Clasico final for a moment.

These are the four best teams in Europe. Not once in the past decade has that been arguable; this year it is incontestable. Continue reading

Hypothetical XI #9 – The Hipsters

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Kyle Hulme brings the latest craze, the hipster footballers XI…

In recent weeks one particular phrase that has been popping up in football journalism and podcasts is the notion of a “football hipster”, someone who doesn’t conform to traditional football fan behaviour by supporting obscure teams in leagues you’ve never heard of. Well, we here at The False Nine have gone a step further and have compiled an XI of footballers who themselves are worthy of “hipster” status for one reason for another.  Continue reading

Are English commentators that bad?

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David Dodds explores the world of the English commentator…

Football hipster checklists have abounded over the last couple of months, and there have been more and more incarnations lately. Most of them are spot on and I imagine the writers and most readers of TFN find themselves either playfully nodding in agreement and being good sports because they see a picture of themselves painted in these checklists, or rendered incandescent because they see themselves in the lists but are reluctant admit it.

But there’s one curious omission to the lists I’ve seen. None of them mention our—which is to say the generation of hyper-informed and thoroughly post-modern omnivorous consumers of football from leagues of all shapes, sizes and stadium attendances—attitude towards commentators. When I say commentator, I mean play-by-play commentators, the people who are there to tell you what’s happening and who’s doing it. Martin Tyler, David Coleman and Ian Darke, for example. We often malign our commentators for their shoddy pronunciation, their obsession with regurgitating stats and their unbridled chauvinism during international and European games. These hipster checklists all point out rightly that we revile any pundit who isn’t Gary Neville or Pat Nevin, but make no mention of our similar attitude to play-by-play commentators.  Continue reading