About David Wild

Your resident 'man on the sofa' David Wild has often been referred to as 'one of our writers' and 'a nice young man'. A keen analyst of both trivial, humourous and tactical aspects of the beautiful game, David has honed those skills of argument and insight that only the bosom of Boundary Park, mispent time in the pub and half a philosophy degree can bestow upon a man. An English and Philosophy Graduate of Leeds University 2012, David tweets, almost daily, nonsensical ramblings here

They Think It’s All Over. For now….

Posted on May 10, 2013 by David Wild

David Wild looks at the controversies of goal line technology and its impending introduction to English football…

It has never been the wont of Football to keep up with the ceaseless march of technology. A game that often defines itself by its simplicity, emotion and unpredictability is traditionally thought of as being set in its ways, resistant to change, stubborn.

But is football correct to resist the changes that technology brings? What would the effects of referral systems have on football’s dynamic and on the authority of it’s officials? While we can see the obvious benefits of Hawk Eye and video replay referrals in other sports is football too unique in its make up to embrace such systems?

The recent decision to introduce Hawk Eye technology in the Premier League as of the 2013/14 season is remarkable because it has happened at all. The amount of time it has taken for football to adapt a system successfully used in cricket and tennis for the last five years is baffling to many who claim it is impossible to doubt the potential of technology in clarifying official’s decisions. Continue reading →

The TFN Writers Awards: 2012-13

Posted on April 29, 2013 by David Wild

The False Nine team respond to the results of the 2013 PFA Awards with their own picks for Player of the Year, Young Player of the Year and Manager of the Year…

Continuing on in his quest to become Wales’ answer to Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale was last night crowned as Player’s Player of the Year and Young Player of the Year at the 2013 PFA Awards at London’s Grosvenor House Hotel. His double win follows in the footsteps of Ronaldo who achieved the same feat in 2007.

While the main prize of the PFA Awards is voted for by the players of the Premier League, here at TFN we didn’t want to miss out on the fun and so have taken upon ourselves to put forward our own picks for Player, Young Player and Manager of the Year. Continue reading →

Hypothetical XI #13 – Tiki-Taka is dead. Long live the Stokelacticos.

Posted on April 24, 2013 by David Wild

With Barcelona listing in open waters after a brutal broadside from Bayern Munich, David Wild declares that the Bavarians themselves will soon be replaced by a true, footballing monster born in the fire of the Potteries…

In the post Champions League battlefield, as the dust comes to rest, we see a world where Tiki Taka is dead. Bayern Munich were an obvious showing of the way that football is moving, with an emphasis away from silly distractions such as 83% possession and 9000 Xavi passes a game. However theirs is but a stepping stone to the next tactical and technical zenith of football. Now that Bayern have vanquished Tiki Taka from the football landscape it is only a matter of time before their own swift passing game is replaced by the next unstoppable force.

Picture a world where the Arabian consortiums had scoured the footballing landscape and plucked from obscurity the humble town of Stoke. It was to be their oasis of the beautiful game. Limitless funds would be made available and the only demand was that the club stay true to Tony Pulis’ tried and tested principles. Imagine, if you will, a world where Stoke City F.C. could buy whoever they wanted but still insisted on playing as if the pitch is made of lava and the ball will melt if left on the ground for longer than 4 passes. Welcome to the Stokelacticos. Continue reading →

Utility and Versatility – What’s the difference?

Posted on April 11, 2013 by David Wild

After his exploration of the role of the utility man, David Wild looks to establish the difference between utility and versatility…

What makes a utility man and what makes a versatile player? At first glance it is easy to confuse the two. If we look at a utility man he is capable of playing in several different positions. So he must be versatile.

To borrow a philosophical thought experiment, let’s look at the two terms in a syllogism. Is a utility player always versatile? Yes. Can we infer therefore that all versatile players are utility men? This doesn’t seem to work as well. Continue reading →

Benitez comes out in favour of North Korea

Posted on April 1, 2013 by David Wild

David Wild brings you a sensational TFN exclusive…

Chelsea Interim manager Rafa Benitez has today voiced his sympathy with the struggles of North Korea in their war against the South, claiming that he is more than able to empathise with the DPRK’s plight of having a large perverting force controlling the masses against them. Continue reading →

The Neutrality Index – The Case for the Heavyweights

Posted on March 28, 2013 by David Wild

David Wild puts the Neutrality Index to the test as he compares Everton and Swansea City…

If you’re an avid supporter of my work you’ll remember that last week I wrote a piece on the Neutrality Index, a combination of the factors which I believe a team’s neutral support is based on. Further to that article I now plan to take those factors and examine the case for two of the neutral heavyweights of the Premier League. In doing this I hope to try and figure out who has the best case to be ‘the people’s choice’.

All season ticket prices quoted are for the cheapest season ticket. I’m also choosing to include some famous fans of each club, both as perhaps an indicator of the kind of person who follows that team and also because it’s a nice interesting little factoid of the kind that pub quiz enthusiasts like myself thrive on in their pointless hours. Enjoy. Continue reading →

This One’s for the Neutrals

Posted on March 21, 2013 by David Wild

Can we work out who is the Premier League’s ‘most neutral’ team? David Wild puts it to the test…

‘This is one for the neutrals’; English football has thrown this phrase our way an awful lot recently. If we look at some recent cases from the League and FA Cup we can see in the cup runs of Bradford and Oldham a classic example of a national complex; the celebration of the plucky underdog.

When we see a team performing in a way that we admire our hearts go out to them, they achieve a kind of universal admiration. In these cases the admiration came from both teams performing beyond the expectations of teams of their quality in beating premier league opposition. Continue reading →

The False Nine

An analytical and satirical digest.

Author Archives: David Wild